Reciprocity is something I can understand. I have expectations, such as: I sent them a Christmas card, so they should send me one; or, I asked them to dinner, so they should invite me. But this is not a Christian virtue. To be a Christian means at times accepting the challenge of detaching myself from my human expectations.
Among my fondest desires are to be accepted, understood, and loved, to live in a life-giving environment, and to have my talents recognized and used. These desires are not wrong, but if I am not detached from them, I will never find peace of heart.
Love, appreciation, and acceptance are not of themselves reciprocal. They depend on the other over whom we have no control. We may scratch someone’s back, but that does not mean that she or he will scratch ours. God does not wait on our worthiness to lavish love and forgiveness upon us, and we who are made in God’s image are called to a non-reciprocal love, a non-reciprocal forgiveness, a non-reciprocal acceptance. To be followers of Christ is to choose to scratch unconditionally!
God in Ordinary Time: Carmelite Reflections on Everyday Life